It’s one of the things people want most in life: to have others think well of them.  To be liked means there are allies, those we can count on for help, support and company.  Our teen years especially are tormented by the desire to be liked, and dealing with the fact that we have little control over whether or not we are.  People will think what they will.

Apparently monastics don’t escape the craving for other people’s approval, either, because the Buddha addressed the Lokavipatti Sutta to the monks, instructing them how to practice with being praised or blamed, or having fame or a bad reputation.  Everyone with a meditation and daily life practice can benefit from these instructions.  They are fairly easy to say, and quite rewarding to follow, even though they require some perseverance. 

You may already have worked with pain or pleasure and gain or loss, the other two pairs of what’s often called the “worldly winds.”  Whether or not we like how something feels, it always holds some stress, or dukkha.  Our resistance to pain heightens the discomfort, as any medical professional can tell you.  Even liking something leads to some stress when it inevitably changes or ends.   Remembering this can enable us to hold pleasure lightly, like holding a butterfly that will fly away in good time.

The Lokavipatti Sutta prescribes the practice of reflecting on the impermanence of everything.  The first step is to recognize the way we’re responding, for instance to notice that pain has happened and we’re suffering because of it.  To avoid continued suffering, the Buddha says to reflect on the stress we’re experiencing and on the fact that the pain will change and end.  It’s far more powerful for us to remember this than to have someone else tell us, “This too shall pass.”

The same principles apply to social gains and losses.  We may be blamed for some innocent thing we’ve done one day and praised the next, or people’s opinions may be split.  It can be entertaining to watch how people strive to finesse the way others react to things they’ve done.  Damage control – it’s the stuff of many TV series, books and movies.

In fact, so much of human activity is devoted to managing other people’s opinions of us and so little of it really works.  This is a characteristic of the worldly winds, that we can’t really control them.  The wind might blow joys into our life, or sweep away things we cherish, no matter what we do.  The best we can do when it comes to others’ regard for us is to be honest, generous and kind and make amends when we cause harm.  If fickle public opinion turns against us we can  follow the Buddha’s directions for dealing with it: recognize the stress we feel and remember it will change and pass away.  Letting go of reactivity and telling the truth will, in the long run, let us weather whatever the winds blow at us.