A friend of mine is the most helpful person I know.  He enjoys helping so much that I once wondered what was in it for him.  But after watching him over the years, I can’t see any ulterior motives, not even helping in order to make friends or to feel like he’s a ‘good person.’ 

Whenever he attended a pre-pandemic event where I taught, he’d be arranging chairs and putting up signs without being asked.  He seems to want to help because he really knows and values the joy of being generous.  He looks for opportunities to help because doing so makes him really happy.

The extraordinary joy of generosity seems to have become built into his motivations.  It’s a special kind of happiness we get when we focus on what benefits others to the extent that we stop thinking about what we want.  It flips the switch from craving to selflessness.  The more “I” drop out of the picture, the happier it makes us.  My friend’s helping is so focused on the wellbeing of others that you almost don’t notice him doing it.  He seems to know intuitively what will help, and just does it.

Another friend is a genius at helping people connect.  This comes from her interest in people as individuals, getting to know how they think and what makes them happy.  When she sees that it would benefit both of two people to be introduced, it makes her really happy to do that.  She loves to get groups together so much that she’s finding new ways to do it, in person or on online.  I never say no to her invitations.

Of the many things I’ve done over the years, what’s made me happiest was being present for people who need support.  Meeting with groups of addicts or prisoners, supporting couples through their weddings, leading groups that discuss life’s challenges, dropping by friends in the hospital – sometimes the timing isn’t optimal but each time I’m happy to help.  These are deep connections many times as powerful as just hanging out with friends.  They let me see into people’s hearts in a way that proves t we are all so interconnected that we’re never really alone.

I think that’s at the core of why we help each other.  It’s the connection we feel when we do. It’s the direct experience of metta and our interdependence with all other beings.  If we’re willing to see and feel this, we’ll always have access to the happiness it brings.  And we can genuinely make life better for those we help.  In stark contrast to grudging compliance with a request for help, freely wanting to makes us genuinely happy to help.